Tuesday, 27 July 2010

COLOMBIA... my preparations, my expectations and my fearations: Part 2


Before I begin with this post I would like to apologize to my readers for not having the post up on Friday as I promised. My computer decided to not work. But it works now, so here's Part 2 of COLOMBIA... my preparations, my expectations and my fearations.

Acquiring a passport and a job seemed to be two gallons of water in an ocean of preparations (really dumb metaphor, but you catch my drift). I made a list of everything I needed to do, and of the 30 items, I've done about 10; I bought my ticket, organized Health Insurance, found about seven sweaters that I had lying around, helped an old lady with a little housework, so I could get two suitcases (do for do), organized my International Immunization Card, did some 'pick pocket' proofing on my jeans, washed all the clothes I'm carrying with Comfort so they'll smell nice, planned some Conversation Club exercises and brushed up on my Spanish and English skills. WOW, listing all the things I've done has made me realize that I did a lot and for a lazy guy like me that's BIG, so YAY ME. But let's not get complacent, I have three suitcases to fill in four days.

Expectations are things we hope for and I'm hoping to get a lot from this trip. I want to improve my Spanish skills, I LOVE this language and this year will be good for me. I want to see, taste, touch, hear and smell Spanish everyday for a year, and just experience the culture and interact with the locals, expand my horizons I want to LIVE SPANISH! I expect to learn more about myself and prove the critics wrong, at the same time. 

As some of you may know, I live a VERY sheltered life; my mother wakes me up most mornings, I get three square meals prepared for me, my lunch is packed for me etc. etc. Now, I love my life, I love my parents, I love everything they do for me, and I intend to make them proud, but some people think that living a sheltered life or a life where you are heavily dependent on your parents for survival makes you an invalid and incapable of surviving or fending for yourself in the 'big, cruel world'. They say things like, "You know when you go to Colombia your mother won't be there to wake you up!" and "Your mother can't wash your clothes for you in Colombia!" Quite frankly, God created alarm clocks for getting up in the morning, I've been washing my own clothes for years, I can read a cookbook and LEARN to cook, I can bathe myself, pack my lunch and SURVIVE. So, I'm going to Colombia, taking responsibility by the horns and I'm gonna survive with a smile on my face in the 'big, cruel world'. Worry 'bout you, don't worry 'bout me!!!

I'm a worry wart and I fuss over simple things, things that I call my fearations. It may seem trivial to some but I have a fear of not being accepted for who I am. I suppose it stems from being called every 'gay' related nickname throughout Primary and Secondary School, or having one of those 'it's either you like me or you don't' personalities. Although I'm worried but I'll have to be me- crazy, smart Garvin with the high voice- and who doesn't like it will be ignored.

Another fear is being inadequate. Sometimes, I lie in bed at night and my brain goes into overdrive creating these scenarios and I ask myself- "What if I suck at being a language assistant? What if I get flustered every time someone speaks to me in Spanish? What if I disappoint my family and make a mess of things in Colombia? What if...?" Gosh, I get so worked up over these things, worrying when all I need to do is trust in God and know that he never gives you more than you can handle. In his great plan for me, going to Colombia was part of it. He blessed me with a talent for languages and I have to be confident in my abilities. When I'm over there and I get this fearation of inadequacy I have to remind myself of that!

I'm deathly afraid of flying which is bad considering I'll be on a five hour flight come Saturday. I'm really paranoid, and as mentioned before, my brain creates frivolous, imaginative, gory scenarios. My paranoia is most likely to intensify while I'm thousands of feet in the air, I'll start to think about Final Destination, Snakes on a Plane, Air Force One, Con Air and September 11. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP! And breathe! I wonder if I can ride a bicycle to Colombia? (we need to get some people on that).

This post was really personal, I don't share this much with any and anyone. But you're my readers, and this is my blog about me- the good, the bad, and the indifferent. In four days, I'll embark on an amazing journey with my expectations and fearations in tow hoping for the best and trusting in God. I'll try to do one more post before I leave. However, this is most likely the last post I do before I leave. So, who knows the next time I do this blog, I'll be in Colombia, speaking Spanish and surviving. 

Thanks for reading and please come again!